How to Become a DJ Parody (CVNT5)

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Sup Peasants, read my commentary about the music video below, otherwise skip to the bolded text at the end for my thoughts:

  1. It’s pretty sad that we still live in our mom’s basement. I just want to be rich and famous, how can we do this quick? I know! We’ll just become DJs, it’s so easy and these guys make mad bank. I think our faces are douchey enough.
  2. DAYUMM look how much money these DJs are making!!! We can be the next Calvin Harris. BEST. GET. RICH. FAST. SCHEME. EVER.
  3. I’m not sure how to make music, do we use apps? Or what? Let’s just get a ghost producer. I don’t know any, but we can google everything, right? We can pay him later after he makes us rich and famous.
  4. Next step, we have to practice fake pressing buttons and twisting knobs. I don’t have time to learn that shit. Let’s do it in front of the mirrors so we can make sure we look legitimate, make sure to pump your fist a lot and jump up and down. And don’t forget to scream “EVERYBODY FUCKING JUMP” because that’s what I saw this DJ named Hardwell do and he was Number 1.
  5. We need a name. It has to be something dirty to show we got swag. CUNTS! GDI the domain name is already taken. It’s porn, let’s take a short masturbation break. But back to reality. Let’s just alter “CUNTS” so we’re politically correct, we have to be like deadmau5 and 3LAU and MOTi. We’ll just change the U to a V and the S to a 5! CVNTS. Dang we have the coolest name ever.
  6. Publicize, publicize, publicize. First we’ll upload one song on Soundcloud, that’s how all the DJs get discovered right? I mean, isn’t #SELFIE what put The Chainsmokers on the map? I have a few dollars saved from making sandwiches at the deli in high school, we can buy some Instagram and Twitter followers since no one knows who the fuck we are.
  7. Next, we will just sit back and watch our numbers grow. Our views increase, followers increase, clubs start booking us, then we’re headlining every major festival in the world! It’s just like dominos, no effort necessary. Why didn’t we think of this earlier? I could have been using Heinz ketchup on my hotdogs instead of that generic stuff.
  8. All we need to do now is make money, press some buttons, jump up and down and…have some sort of creative signature stage move. We’ve got the DJs who give champagne showers, the ones who throw cake into the crowd, and the ones who pour Grey Goose into fan’s mouths. We’ll urinate on a really hot girl’s face – it’s unique, it’s different.The chicks will beg for it. Maybe we can invite them behind stage after the show so they can give us blowjobs while their boyfriends watch.
  9. We should start practicing our duck faces and our “I’m rich and I don’t care about other people” looks in our bathroom mirrors. Thus, when the big magazines contact us for photoshoots, we will be ready with our game faces. I can instagram pictures of my face plastered on billboards and tweet articles about me talking about life! It didn’t even take much talent!
  10. The real talents and greats don’t even know who we are. Whatever, I have money.

Despite how humorous the music video is, the underlying topics brought up are not entirely false. Gareth Emery and Ashley Wallbridge intend to mock multiple aspects of the electronic dance music industry that are not widespread, but lead to an overall negative impression by outsiders. Issues such as using ghost DJs, buying Instagram and Twitter followers, fake DJing, being a performer more than an artist, and general hedonism and debauchery are raised in this parody. The few DJs that use these tactics undermine the majority of the other DJs who don’t, giving an overall undesirable reflection of the entire electronic dance music industry as a whole, causing outsiders to lose respect for the “real” DJs. We need to focus on the positive aspects of the industry and remember the multitudes of talented DJs from a diverse range of backgrounds that bring us great music cultivated through talent and hard work. Congrats to Gareth Emery and Ashley Wallbridge on an amazing song!

Check out their hilarious parody Twitter that makes references to real events: https://twitter.com/wearecvnt5

 

1 Response

  1. I’ve never heard of the CVNT5 before but it’s actually a pretty clever video now that I understand the references. I kind of dig their take on the classic douchebag DJ

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